It is a little known or spoken about fact that most women find their lustful desires for their partner slump around the 18 months mark, if not before. Women function differently to men when it comes to sexual attraction and libido depending on the levels of hormones in their body. A woman with a high level of testosterone will likely want more sex than one with a lower level and more oestrogen. But it goes deeper than that. Women make love with their mind, body and emotional self.

For a man it’s far more simple, I call it the ‘penis-to-eye’ connection.


He sees something attractive, he gets a boner. (And believe me, I’m not dissing any man for that ability!)


It works well and tends to sustain itself a little longer than a woman’s sex drive, her mind and pesky emotions can really mess things up and get in the way of her vagina enjoying itself. This penis-to-eye connection, let’s just call it P.E.C. for short, helps to override stress and over thinking, whereas a woman finds it much harder to get out of her head and into her body. She doesn’t get the immediacy the P.E.C. delivers. She must be warmed up gradually, wooed and relaxed. Brought out of thinking and analysing mode, and back into sensual mode.


In the early throws of a relationship the excitement and adventure of the newness can help keep a woman fully emerged in the sensual. But no one can sustain the marathon sex sessions and hot passion of the early throws of lustdom (yes, I just made up that word)— we can, however, try to navigate our way through the minefield of bedroom boredom.

First step: Admit the problem exists both to yourself and your partner.


This is more difficult than it sounds as sex is an incredibly touchy subject, especially when dealing with the fact it might not be fulfilling us. So, as a way around this, I created for you the F.A.S.T. technique to get you back up on that pony so you can ride it home!


Personally tried and tested and vouched for by me and my husband.

Hide and seek?

Hide and seek?

F: is for FUN!

You just cannot have too much fun when it comes to hanging out with your other half. No one likes doing chores, so sex should never feel like one. Find ways to insert fun and frolics into your daily lives that link back to sex. Think of gaming as a part of foreplay. Me and my hubby invented quite a few great games if I do say so myself, we have found ourselves to be remarkably creative. I crafted 2 small gift bags into a sexy game by filling them each with 3 marbles. For him I chose blue marbles, for me gold and white. I called the game ‘Promise Stones’ and explained the rules as such: Each partner has 3 stones, that we carry on our being at all times. Whenever either one of us does something ‘rewardable’ i.e. selfless, cute, sexy, adorable, romantic, helpful etc, we reward them with a marble or ‘promise stone’ to put in their bag. This stone maybe redeemed at any time on any day for some sexual act of the bearers choosing. Handing the stones to one another in company becomes a naughty secret we share that adds to the fun. If your partner works in an office, try popping in (all dressed up and looking fine!) to hand them a muffin and a marble randomly, just for working hard. They will spend the rest of the day happily dreaming about what they will cash it in for at some later date. This is just one example of a simple game that you can add any twist to you wish, just be inventive. See what you can come up with and share it in the comments section below. And never underestimate the old classics like strip poker to add a dash of fun to your evening.
Ready for a fun evening?

A: is for AWAKEN.

Awaken your sensual senses. Work and stress can pull us out of synch with our body and it’s pleasure system. Taking a little time before the act of making love to fully awaken the senses can do wonders for deepening your connection and enjoyment. Then love making enters the realms of tantra.
Simply take a blindfold and remove the sense of sight for a while. Without sight our most primal senses of smell and taste increase in intensity. Good aromas and flavours really activate our sensual side. Taking us out of an over active mind and bringing us into the present within our body. Being fed chocolates and trying to guess the flavours, washing them down with drinks that you have to sniff and taste and discover the name, is both delicious and enlivening. Take it in turns to be the guesser and the feeder. You can also use flowers, scents, oils and fruits. See what other ideas you can come up with to stimulate each other’s most primal side. I’m guessing as you are being fed a passion fruit chocolate whilst blindfolded, all thoughts of laundry or world problems will drift faraway from your mind. This is also a great time to lie back and get a good tickling with a giant feather. The skin is a huge erogenous zone and tickling it will awaken every receptor in it. If you are too ticklish, go for an oily scented massage instead, try the feet and ankles first, I guarantee you’ll feel all the stress melt away. There is so much more to a body then merely it’s genitals and boobs. Awaken all of your being.
I just wake up in the morning looking like this….

S: is for SPONTANEITY.

Being stuck in a rut is really a sign you have lost all spontaneity. Surprise within life’s daily grind is very invigorating. A sudden change in a daily routine can bring a sudden change in mood and mindset. If you are bored in the bedroom don’t fall into the trap of becoming boring yourself, and never rely on someone else to do all the ground work. If you wish secretly your partner would initiate fun activities or outings, why don’t you get the ball rolling and watch them play catch up with you. Do something drastic to change your appearance for a date night, wear a wig, play dress up. Wear something you’ve never worn before. Buy your partner a sexy gift out of the blue, suggest a picnic in the park. Anything at all that gets you out of the mundane and into the adventure. Go somewhere to eat you’ve never tried before, maybe it’s a place with a large, clean toilet in so you can have a quickie. I’ve never met a man who’d turn down a random blowjob in any setting — could even be the library — just do it quietly.


You could also do something silly like instal Tinder on your phones and both add a sexy profile then contact each other over the app and pretend you don’t know each other, to make a date. See it like role playing. Do some hot sexting then meet up in a place you’ve never been to before and act like new, hot lovers.


And if all else has been done before, be daring, try a swingers party. ‘S’ can also be for ‘swinger’ if you are open to it. Nothing more surprising than suggesting a night out at one of the many sex parties you can find going on in major cities these days. Killing Kittens is a hugely successful and upmarket brand you might consider. Even if you decide to do nothing with another couple or ‘kitten’ on the night, it certainly won’t be like any other date you’ve been on. They even have sexy ‘Kabaret’ nights to enjoy, with dinner and dancing. You’ll never see your relationship as dull or boring again.


If it was good enough for the Romans and Greeks….


Naughty Little Kitten


T: is for TALK.

Talk, talk, talk. Talk is NOT cheap by any means. Remember to be very mindful of the way you talk to each other. Do not allow resentments to fester or bad feelings to smoulder. Festering resentment is a real passion killer. It’s hard to feel in the mood when all you are thinking about is something your partner did that really upset you. Always respect each other enough to be honest and express your emotions. Sounds so easy and cliche, but often people forget the art of conversation. Television and alcohol can take over real heart connecting soul to souls. Fatigue and work stress can cut into quality conversational time.


Think about the ones you had when you first fell in love.


Did you enjoy them?
Do you still have the time?
Do you put off making the time?


Well, put the kettle on and roll those sleeves up. There is never going to be a right time or better time to address tension of issues head on. If something is bothering you, better you get it up and out and allow your partner to do the same. Craft the way you talk to each other to be constructive, not attacking which only incites defensiveness and a greater breakdown in connection. I can say from experience that the best sex me and my partner have is always after we have addressed something by having a long, hard chat. We feel so much closer once we’ve both been heard.


Without communication your relation will literally shrivel up like a mouldy old grape, so be brave and daring. The more you hold back the more you will miss out on. Sometimes a relationship just needs a little push in a new direction to get those fires burning again. Whatever you chose to do, honesty, respect and fun are paramount, but communication is key. Make sure every step you take is something you are both comfortable with and talk about it in great depth.


Oral isn’t only about blowjobs.


Though they can come after…. as can you, and likely more then once and with great intensity.

So follow this F.A.S.T. technique to a better sex life and use it to remove bedroom boredom for good. 


Yours truly, Rachel M…. CEO of PleasingPartners.com


Because pleasure matters.